WHAT IS ANGER?
Anger is a natural feeling we all experience.
Assertive anger is expressed in ‘I’ language. It is specifically stated, and it is in proportion to the situation at hand.
Repressed anger can sometimes manifest itself as physical illness
Depression could sometimes be anger turned in on oneself.
Guilt is sometimes anger turned against the self.
Anger can be a cover-up for another feeling, like grief or fear.
Anger is violence.
Many women are angry and ashamed of it,
Root anger is recognisable because it is an over-reaction to present experience.
Surface anger is about a response that fits the situation at hand.
I am responsible for my own anger.
WHAT TRIGGERS ANGER?
Anger is one of the most difficult emotions we have to deal with, and when it comes to our children, we hope to give them good behavioural habits which will last into adulthood. The first thing we need to do is to understand how anger triggers our brain. This in turn will help us to react more effectively, with ourselves and our children. Anger is rooted in our reaction to fight when we are initially alerted to danger. This includes psychological dangers such as fear, frustration, jealousy, powerlessness and hurt.
Possibly the most significant thing that happens when we get angry is the fact that the amygdala in our brain reacts first, before the rest has a chance to click into gear. The adrenaline that the amydala triggers floods our brain, switching off the thinking part of our brain, literally before it starts to think.
The phrase ‘the lights are on, but there is nobody at home’ can be a very apt description of what happens to us.
The reason this happens is because all our senses go through the amygdale before they get to the rest of the brain. It, quite literally, has a head-start. It can take up to a couple of minutes before we start to think.
This is why calming down is so important: this is what allows our thinking brain to kick into gear and start to work.